Taking a break back home in Ashburton, Kiwi-Irishman Brent Pope. Photo Sue NewmanMeet Brent Pope and be impressed by his easy manner, his welcoming smile. Read his bio and be impressed by his public achievements. But there’s much more to this Kiwi-Irishman. He talks to reporter Sue Newman about his  struggle with the mental health issues that have been the hidden part of his public life.

Clothing designer, rugby pundit, accomplished public speaker and author, Brent Pope is all of these, but he’s also a man who walks with anxiety as an unwelcome companion.

The former Ashburtonian now lives in Ireland but says he’s still very much a Kiwi at heart. When the chips are down, it’s the support of family and old friends who make it easier to walk from darkness into light, he says.

Like many Kiwis, Brent headed off overseas after university. He was a more than halfway decent rugby player, earning his stripes for Otago and had two playing opportunities on the table – Italy or Ireland. The choice was easy.

“I took Ireland because I wanted to be somewhere that was English speaking, so I agreed to go for three months.”

He’s ended up staying, possibly for life.

For a season or two Brent tried to juggle back-to-back rugby winters, but it was too tough.

A casual offer to be part of a commentary panel when Ireland and New Zealand were playing in the 1995 South African Rugby World Cup was to change his life.

“I was on my way home so I said I’d do the one game. It seemed to be so popular they said would I stay and do all of the games. They said they’d pay half my airfare home if I agreed. I did and I’ve done virtually every game since and I’m the longest server on the rugby panel in the country.”

He might watch New Zealand from the other side of the commentary box, but his heart’s always with the boys from home, Brent said.

“I don’t mind if Ireland wins matches, but when it’s the World Cup matches, I’ll always root for New Zealand.”

The Irish-Kiwi is also a man of fashion. He has his own shirt and shoe label – Pope – with his shoes sold in more than 100 stores and his shirts in 50.

It might seem an odd mix, rugby and fashion, but when you’ve grown up with a fashion-

conscious mother, it’s almost a no-brainer.

“She was always so fashionable. You’d open cupboard doors and it’d be death by hats, so I guess I grew up with a love of clothes. Even when I was at university I was sending overseas for clothing. On TV my clothing’s all sponsored and I think I got to the stage where I thought, ‘I know enough about design, why not do it?’ ”

Always looking for new challenges, Brent has also been involved in art galleries, has sung publicly and if he hadn’t been about to make a visit home, he’d have been on the floor as one of Ireland’s Dancing with the Stars competitors.

He’s a man who is rarely still.

“My mum and dad gave me a good work ethic. In Ireland they call me Project Pope because I always have five things on the go at once.”

That’s the public side of Brent Pope.

The private side is very different. Take away rugby, take away his clothing label, take away the affable, easy-going front. Strip Brent Pope bare and he’s a man who battles anxiety – every day. He fears failure and at times stares into a black void.

He’s learned coping strategies and understanding how these can change your life now drives Brent to help others.

“I’ve had anxiety issues throughout my life and my purpose for the last five years has been speaking about men’s mental health, a bit like a junior version of John Kirwan I suppose.”

As a rugby-playing Kiwi Brent knows how hard it is for men to ask for help. “I felt like a complete failure. Even as a child I knew this was not the way I should feel, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I’d have panic attacks, extreme distress. It just doesn’t let you move forward.”

Anxiety is common, particularly for young people today who are under pressure to achieve, to look, think and be a certain way. And it also hits older people, he said.

“There’s so much pressure at say 65. It’s no longer retirement age and people are struggling, wondering where they get a job because they need to work longer.”

There’s no simple way out of the anxiety or depression trap. Dealing with it means getting professional help and support, so you can get your life back on the level, Brent said.

He says his most important work now are his speaking engagements – on anxiety and mental health rather than rugby. He’s also written self-help books and hopes that between the two he’s making a difference in a few lives.

“Anything I did on the rugby field or on television pales into insignificance when someone says I saved their life. I’m awestruck. If I touch one person, then my job is done.”

For many men it’s a big ask for them to listen to someone talk about mental health, but Brent recalls a time when 500 construction workers were corralled into a room to listen to him speak. At best, they were reluctant, but after 40 minutes he received a standing ovation. In the following days he received 60 emails from men who had issues, who needed help. That simply shows the depth of need, Brent said.

“And it shows we can still be manly and talk about our problems.

“They see me as a big strong Kiwi guy who sought help, they see if I can, then they can too.  I get it, I’ve been there. For so many years I felt it was a weakness, a shame. I had everything anyone could ever want but I couldn’t see it.”

Today when he stands in front of an audience, his anxiety is always there, but he now knows how to handle it.

“It’s always very emotional for me. I’m scraping over areas of my life I don’t really like. I’ll still come home shaking. I still have a problem with people judging me without knowing me.”

When people ask how he can stand in front of a crowd of strangers and talk about his own mental health issues, he tells his story about someone who struggled, someone who sought help hoping that may empower others to seek help too.

Brent recently published  a new book, Win, with psychotherapist and sportsman Jason Brennan. They interviewed over 40 top sportspeople across a range of sporting codes and the one common thread was that each had built resilience into their lives.

“Top level sport is not all about glory, it’s lonely too and you need resilience and support from family and friends.”

When it comes to the future, Brent might be firmly focused on encouraging others to find their way through the anxiety and depression maze, and he might still be living with those conditions himself, but that does not stop him looking forward.

He’s bubbling with ideas – a sports academy for young people, bringing a celebrity Irish chef to New Zealand to cook, film and talk Kiwi food and doing the reverse with a Kiwi chef in Ireland and taking his speaking engagements into the business sector.

“This is part of my psychological make up. I’m not one for sitting around and thinking woe is me. It’s not good for an anxiety-
driven person to have too much time to think,” he said,

While his feet are firmly in Ireland, he admits he hasn’t totally given up on the idea of coming back to live in New Zealand – maybe.

He’s retained close friends in Ashburton, but transferring his current life to New Zealand would be difficult because his television and public-speaking work is largely unknown here.

Ultimately, that wouldn’t bother him, that work is not the most important thing in his life.

While he’s happy being a well-known “plastic paddy”, he said he’d far rather be remembered for being a man of kindness and empathy, than for any of his public achievements.

By Sue Newman © The Ashburton Guardian - 26 January 2019